


Thinking Out Loud

by xanavici



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst disguised as fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Violence, i guess i just like to write them crying, more men crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 23:37:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9630008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xanavici/pseuds/xanavici
Summary: McCree is bleeding out and it's Hanzo's job to keep him awake.





	

_Stupid man.  Stupid, stupid fool._

That’s all Hanzo can think about as he races across the battlefield to where McCree last said he was before crying out in pain over the comms.  Hanzo knows he shouldn’t be mad at McCree (he’s not really) but it was foolish for the gunslinger to take on 4 Talon agents at once without back up, even to save a fellow teammate. 

When Soldier: 76 told everyone he was out of ammo and about to be cornered, McCree –loyal to his teammates to a fault- was the first person to run to the old man’s rescue.  If he had only waited twenty more seconds Hanzo could have joined him and provided backup.  But he didn’t, and now the archer is jumping across rooftops to find him.  In his ear he can hear the rest of the team trying to get a response from McCree or 76.

Hanzo hears gunfire down and to his left and he quickly changes direction to run towards the fight.  When he finally arrives at the source of the gun shots he sees 76 using Peacekeeper to try and fight off the Talon agents.  The old soldier, unfamiliar to the weapon and its forceful kickback, misses more shots than he makes.  Behind him is McCree, lying on the ground and bathed in the light of a biotic field.  Hanzo quickly dispatches all of the grunts with a scatter arrow as he jumps off the building and runs to McCree.  He falls to his knees, breathless, when he gets to the gunslinger.  Stormbow is dropped somewhere beside him and checks over McCree’s body to see what is wrong.  There, in the middle of his abdomen.  Three bullet wounds that are bleeding way too much even with the biotic field attempting to stitch the skin back together.

McCree’s eyes fling open when Hanzo roughly tugs off his serape and uses it to apply pressure to his wounds.

“Why, hey there sugar,” McCree croaks out with a wet cough.

“You idiot!  What were you thinking rushing in like that?  Why did you not call for backup?”  Out of the corner of his eye, Hanzo sees 76 kneel down on the other side of McCree and apply more pressure to his wounds.

“Comm broke in the fight, so did Jack’s.”

Hanzo makes an annoyed sound to hide his growing fear and opens up a line on his comm.

“Agent Hanzo here, requesting med evac immediately to my position.  Agent McCree is down and seriously injured.”

“We’re on our way,” Mercy calls out over the line. “Tell me what his injuries are.”

“Three G-S-Ws to the stomach and abdomen.  No exit wounds.  He has lost a lot of blood already.  Soldier 76 and I are trying to stop the bleeding.”

“Okay good, keeping doing that and keep him awake no matter what.  We’ll be there soon.”  Mercy disconnects the line and Hanzo tries to ignore the blood covering his hands.  Memories of the worst mistake of his life flash before his eyes and threaten to give him a panic attack.  He cannot afford to lose it right now and have another memory to add to the nightmares.  Instead he focuses on 76’s rough voice.

“I’m sorry kid, should’ve told you to stay back,” he tells McCree.  “This is my fault.”

“Damn right it is your fault,” Hanzo growls out.  If he wasn’t so busy trying to keep McCree from bleeding out he would probably shoot 76 with a couple of arrows.

“No, don’t… don’t go blamin’ Jack sweetheart.  I shouldn’t’ve run in like that, guns-a-blazin’.”  McCree looks like he’s barely holding it together and his eyes start to close.

“Jesse Emmanuel McCree, do not close your eyes or I will make sure bleeding out will be the least of your concerns!” Hanzo yells, barely holding it together himself

McCree’s eyes snap back open with a sharp breath. 

“Uh-oh, ya used my full name.  I must be in trouble.”

“Yes, you are, you foolish man.  You have to stay awake.  Do not close your eyes.  Do you understand me Jesse?”

“Yessir,” the gunslinger slurs dangerously, but he locks his eyes with Hanzo’s and doesn’t close them.

“We need to move him Shimada,” says 76, drawing Hanzo’s gaze away from McCree.  “The biotic field’s going to run out soon and there’s no telling when more bad guys are going to show up.”

“We cannot.  We have no idea how much damage the bullets have caused, moving him may make things worse and Mercy is on her wa- Jesse open your eyes!”

“They’re…. they’re open, I swear…” McCree says as he forces his eyes open again.  Even that small movement looks painful and it causes a few tears to fall from Hanzo’s eyes.

“Nah, don’t start cryin’ over me Darlin’.  I promise… I’m not gonna fall asleep.”  McCree reaches up to wipe Hanzo’s tears off of his face but his hand is shaking too badly to do so.  He instead opts to cup Hanzo’s jaw and make sure the archer knows he intends to keep his promise. 

Hanzo leans into the touch and forces himself to stop crying with a few deep breaths. 

“Shimada, keep him talking and give me your communicator.  I’m going to find out how close the team is.”

Hanzo hands 76 his comm, careful not to get too much blood on it, before racking his brain, trying to find a topic for McCree to talk about.  Usually the cowboy was the one to start conversations.  It takes a few seconds but he finally settles on one.

“McCree, tell me more about what we were talking about last night.”

“Ya know, I like it better when ya use my first name, and I thought ya didn’ wanna talk about that,” McCree says as he lets his arm falls down onto his chest.

“I said it was foolish to entertain such a thought considering our line of work, but I have changed my mind.  Tell me about how we are going to retire.”

“Okay honey, anythin’ for ya…” McCree trails off and Hanzo thinks he fell asleep again but sees that his eyes are still open.

“Jesse, for once in your life will you please _start_ talking.”

“Sorry, sorry.  Just tryin’ ta remember what I planned fer us.”

“You told me we would buy a ranch.”

“That’s… that’s right.  A big ranch back ‘n New Mexico.  We would name it somethin’ cheesy, like ‘Dragon-eye Ranch’, or somethin’ like that.”

“’Dragon-eye’?  Really? Do you not think that is a little over the top?”

“Naw honey, its jus’ the right amount of cheesy.”

“I believe we will have to think of a better name later.  Are we going to have any horses?”

“Damn right we’re gonna have horses,” McCree says with a laugh that quickly turns into a cough.  It takes him a minute to catch his breath again before continuing again.  “Why else would we buy all that land.  We’re gonna have horses an’ cows an’ chickens.  An’ a nice, big, red barn for them all ta stay in… Sugar, ya think ya could let up a little, feel like yer crushin’ me.”

“Unless you want to bleed out faster I cannot.”

76 comes back at that moment with an unhappy sigh.

“The team ran into some trouble that’s holding them up,” he says as he activates his last biotic field and presses down onto McCree’s wounds.

“How far away are they?” Hanzo asks, barely able to keep his voice from cracking.

“Too far,” is all 76 offers.

Hanzo screws his eyes shut and wills the tears away before they can fall.

“Tell- tell me more about our ranch Jesse,” he says after a deep breath.

McCree grasps one of Hanzo’s arms with his real one in an act of reassurance.

“We’ll have a… have a garden in front’a the house that you and yer green thumb will take care of, since we both know I can barely keep a cactus alive.”

Hanzo lets out a weak laugh that’s more of a forceful exhale.

“Maintaining a bonsai tree barely counts as having a ‘green thumb’ as you say.  My gardening abilities depend on what we grow.” 

An enemy soldier appears out of the corner of Hanzo’s eye but before he can raise his gun Hanzo already has an arrow flying through the air.  Hanzo watches the arrow lodge itself in the soldier’s neck, distracting the archer temporarily.  The sound of Jesse’s boots and spurs scraping on the ground refocuses Hanzo and he quickly drops his bow again to re-apply pressure on Jesse’s wounds.

“Ya think you can keep vegies alive?” Jesse rasps.  “Like tomatoes, peppers, carrots, an’ the such.”

“I believe I can handle that, my love.  But it will be easier if we have a bee hive to help with pollination.”

“Yea, then we could have some pretty flowers too… jus’ like my ma used to grow…” Jesse says wistfully.

“I like the sound of that Jesse.”  Jesse’s eyes unfocus for a couple seconds and Hanzo starts to panic until Jesse locks eyes with him again.

“You don’ think that sounds too borin’?  Livin’ in the middle of nowhere an’ jus’ workin’ the land?”

“As long as I am with you, I am sure my life will be interesting.  You do have a habit of attracting trouble, remember?”

“Yea well, we gotta stay in practice somehow.  An’ a life without a lil’ trouble ain’t a life worth livin’.”

Jesse’s breaths get shallower and more ragged.  Hanzo knows that if they don’t get help soon that Jesse won’t last much longer.  He’s already spacing out more and more and it gets harder every time to get him to focus again.  His usually tan, glowing skin is pale and sickly.

A shout from 76 makes Hanzo look up and the sight of Mercy’s golden wings almost nock the breath out of him.  Mercy immediately activates her Caduceus staff and focuses its golden beam on the gunslinger.

“Where’s the rest of the team?” 76 asks.

“D.Va is bringing the jump ship to us and Lúcio is prepping the emergency supplies on it for me.  They should be here any minute,” Mercy replies.  “You’ve done a good job keeping him awake Hanzo, I just need you to do it a little longer.”

Hanzo nods and moves around Jesse until his head is in his lap.  Gently, he cards his hand through Jesse’s hair.  Jesse watches all of Hanzo’s movements and offers his boyfriend a shaky smile.

As if on cue the jump ship appears over top of one of the buildings and lands at the mouth of the alleyway.

“Oh thank god,” Hanzo breaths out, barely above a whisper.  He closes his eyes and allows himself to relax for a moment.  Bad move.  When he opens his eyes again he sees the Jesse’s have closed and he’s barely breathing.

“Jesse?  Jesse!”

“Hanzo, we need to get him out of here now!” Mercy yells. 

76 grabs the gunslinger’s legs while Hanzo picks up Peacekeeper then scoops him up under the shoulders.  They awkwardly run as fast as they can towards the open cargo bay of the ship and Lúcio.  As soon as they’ve cleared the doors D.Va closes them and punches the engines.  Mercy and Lúcio immediately get to work on McCree while 76 pulls Hanzo away to sit down and let the medics work. 

The ride back to the Watchpoint is tense, to say the least.  Hanzo never moves from the seat he takes and never stops watching the two medics franticly work.  At some point, he doesn’t remember when, Hana comes by and gives him Jesse’s hat and serape.  Jack must have grabbed them before they ran aboard and when he forgot to return them, Hana did it for him.  She gives him a comforting smile and tells him that Jesse’s survived worse.  He knows that true but it still doesn’t make him feel any better, or make the tight knot in his chest go away.

As soon as they land Jesse is whisked away to the med bay.  Hanzo makes to follow them but Genji stops him.

“Aniki, you need rest.  There is nothing more you can do so please, go clean yourself off and get some sleep.”

Hanzo looks down at his hands and realizes there is still dried blood and dirt on them.  A shower would do him well. 

The walk to his and Jesse’s shared room seems to take longer than he remembers.  Maybe it’s because his focus is on the surgery happening in the med bay?  Or maybe it’s because he doesn’t have his walking heat-pump of a boyfriend next to him.  Eventually he makes it to their room and fumbles the door open.  He gently places Jesse’s possessions on the dresser then sheds his ruined clothes and throws them in the general direction of the laundry basket before stepping into the searing hot shower.  Under the cover of the falling water and the rising steam he lets himself finally fall apart and let all the emotions he was holding at bay rise to the surface.  A sob escapes his mouth and tears leak out as he tips forward and supports himself again the cool tile.  He hates feeling helpless like this, not knowing what’s going on.   He wonders if he will ever get to hold his cowboy again. 

Considering their line of work, events like this happen every couple of months but it never gets easier. 

When Hanzo’s tears have finally dried up and no more fall he finishes washing up then steps out of the shower.  Hanzo wants to go back to the medbay but weariness settles into his bones and Genji’s words float into his mind again.  Maybe a short nap would be okay.  He pulls on some sweats and pulls his hair up into its usual top knot, too tired to dry it properly, before climbing into bed.  He falls asleep clutching Jesse’s pillow and dreaming about ranches in the desert.

Hanzo’s pulled out of his dreams by knocking on his door.  Drowsy and confused he grabs his communicator thinking that’s where the noise was coming from.  There is a message from Genji but that was from an hour ago.  He then notices the time and bolts up.  He had slept for about five hours, not a short nap at all.  The knocking picks up again and Hanzo scrambles for the door.  Genji stands outside, faceplate off but face impassive.  Hanzo feels his panic rise until Genji smiles.

“He’s going to be fine.” Genji says, knowing that his brother didn’t read the message he had sent earlier seeing how it looks like Hanzo had just woken up.  Hanzo crumps a bit and lets out a sigh of relief. 

“Can I go see him?” Hanzo asks as he straightens again and recomposes himself.

“Yes, he should be waking up soon, in fact.”

Hanzo reties his hair that had fallen out of the tie during his nap and follows Genji to the medbay.  Inside he finds Angela checking over Jesse’s vitals, though she turns around to face the brothers when they approach.  A small smile flits across her face before she gets serious again.

“It was touch-and-go for a little while but we managed to stop the bleeding and repair most of the damage.  He’ll still need a lot of rest and recovery to fix the rest.”

“Thank you, Doctor Ziegler.”  Hanzo says with a low bow.  She gives him another smile before walking back to her office.  Hanzo sits down in one of the chairs Genji pulled over next to the bed for them and grasps Jesse’s hand in his own. 

Hanzo must have fallen asleep again because the gentle grumblings of a man coming out from anesthesia startle him awake and he notices that Genji is gone.  He smiles when Jesse finally opens his eyes and blearily looks around the room before settling on Hanzo.

“Hey there, sugar,” he rasps out.

Hanzo gets him a glass of water before replying.  “Hello there yourself.”

“What happened?”

“Oh, just the usual, my love.  You almost died and Doctor Ziegler and Lucio saved your life once again.”

“Ah, okay.  Good ta know.”

Hanzo sits back down and grabs Jesse’s hand again.  They fall into a comfortable silence as Hanzo gently rubs his thumb on Jesse’s hand and runs his other hand through the cowboy’s hair.  It’s filthy and definitely needs to be washed but Hanzo can’t find it in him to care right now.

“What’cha thinking about, honeybun?”

“You,” Hanzo replies instantly.  “And how we are not naming our ranch ‘Dragon-eye Ranch’.”

Jesse gives him a confused look.

“Our ranch?  Wait, yer serious about all’a that?  I thought ya didn’ like the idea.”

“Let us just say that recent events have changed my mind.  When the time comes, I will gladly follow you anywhere you would like to go.”

Jesse smiles wide, an action that brings back all of his life and vitality for a moment.

“Well I guess we’re jus’ gonna have ta think of a new name then.”

**Author's Note:**

> Details that didn't make it into this self-indulgent retirement fic:  
> They do eventually get that ranch.  
> Every year, on the anniversary of the Recall, all the original members go to the ranch for a huge family dinner.  
> Every month Jesse and Hanzo sell extra vegetables, honey, and various homemade things at the local farmer's market.  
> They become the local eccentric, slightly reclusive, 'village elders' who may or may not be lying about adventures from their golden days.
> 
> Find me on tumblr at: cryptidhanzoshimada


End file.
